“Men of few words are the best men”,

according to Shakespeare.

I know many men who have mastered the art of word fugality.  And the women in their lives hate it.

If you’re hearing….”What are you thinking?” “But WHY do you love me?” – then this is not a challenge but an invitation to expand and connect.

A one word answer won’t cut it.

Certainly not “because….”

You have to go deeper to go further. The more you can expand on your feelings, the more joy is available to you.

Argh. I can almost hear the groan of many of my male clients as they ask, “just pull the emotion from me.” They know it is in there somewhere, just aren’t in the habit of labelling and expanding on it. That’s where I come in. Postscript Letters enables me to be the conduit to connection, essentially pulling the sentiment from them and capturing and recording their words so they can express them clearly to others. “I feel lighter, ” many have said after our session together. And the letter is simply the gift that keeps on giving. Regular reading of it pulls you back to the version of your best true self and the one your loved ones ache to know.

But how might you grow your ability to express yourself? Simply, practice. If you’re hoping to grow your peace and joy then I recommend gratitude journalling… but before you roll your eyes in dismissal, I urge you to do it the right way.

The University of Southern California has found that a regular gratitude practice increases oxytocin in the brain, a chemical that promotes social ties and also other health benefits such as general well-being, better sleep, more generosity and less depression.

But rather than simply listing off a sea of things you’re grateful for…”My house, dog, girlfriend etc,” expand on one particular item and develop a practice of saying why.

This morning it was my dachshund Peanut. Not unusual that I’d be grateful for this little bundle, but as he tapped on our door and came in for his morning cuddle, I was especially thankful. Because 7 hours earlier he had kissed a toad and there was no Prince for him. Poor peanut went into toxic shock, had to have his mouth and cheeks thoroughly washed and be observed for any signs of fit. So this morning, I did not take him for granted. I treasured being able to see and hold my sleeping pup in my arms today. That was the feeling behind the feeling.

As Valentines Day is fast approaching, consider exploring and expanding on your feelings, especially where they relate to the special person in your life. Your investment in time will be aptly rewarded.

References:

1. Why Gratitude Enhances Well-Being: What We Know, What We Need to Know.” Robert Emmons, https://emmons.faculty.ucdavis.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/90/2015/08/2011_2-16_Sheldon_Chapter-16-11.pdf. Accessed 17 January 2022
2.http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/17439760903157182
3. Lindberg, Eric. “Practicing gratitude can have profound health benefits > News > USC Dornsife.” USC Dornsife, 26 November 2019, https://dornsife.usc.edu/news/stories/3124/practicing-gratitude-can-improve-your-health-and-well-being/.